First off, I just want to thank my dear sweet husband for his post. He is such an amazing husband and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. Second, I want to thank you all for your kind comments that you have left me. I truly feel loved.
Last year James and I both felt like it was time to get off of birth control and just see what would happen. We didn't tell anyone until this past month that we have been trying because when we were trying when we first got married, I always felt pressured in some way or another. It seemed easier this way. Now, that it's been a year already and my pain is getting worse, I am having such a hard time! I know that I have been abundantly blessed with my three sweet children and have had the experience of adoption and finally being able to get pregnant with Gracie, but when James and I both feel like there are more children waiting to come to our family, it gets hard. Waiting. Because we do want more children. I know that it is not in our hands. I've learned this. But, it still does not make it any easier. Why those of us that struggle with this trial I do not know, but I do know we will be blessed for it. What is really hard for me are those couples that say, " Let's have a baby." And the next month their pregnant. Sometimes I think that they take it for granted. They don't understand what it's like wanting and waiting and praying so HARD that it would happen. I just try to remember that there is a PLAN for us all even though times can be VERY trying.
I am scared to have this surgery. I don't want to have it, but I don't want to have to get back on birth control either. I have had such a hard week. I'm an emotional wreck right now and I can't help it. I'm scared of what they will find. But, hopefully it will be a good thing. I've had this surgery done before, but I hate not being able to take care of my family the way I should. Sorry this post is a little hard for me and I hope it all makes sense. It's just how I have been feeling. I'm kind of just venting I guess.
In the end, I know that things will work out and I have faith that everything will be okay. I love all of you and thanks again for caring.
Last year James and I both felt like it was time to get off of birth control and just see what would happen. We didn't tell anyone until this past month that we have been trying because when we were trying when we first got married, I always felt pressured in some way or another. It seemed easier this way. Now, that it's been a year already and my pain is getting worse, I am having such a hard time! I know that I have been abundantly blessed with my three sweet children and have had the experience of adoption and finally being able to get pregnant with Gracie, but when James and I both feel like there are more children waiting to come to our family, it gets hard. Waiting. Because we do want more children. I know that it is not in our hands. I've learned this. But, it still does not make it any easier. Why those of us that struggle with this trial I do not know, but I do know we will be blessed for it. What is really hard for me are those couples that say, " Let's have a baby." And the next month their pregnant. Sometimes I think that they take it for granted. They don't understand what it's like wanting and waiting and praying so HARD that it would happen. I just try to remember that there is a PLAN for us all even though times can be VERY trying.
I am scared to have this surgery. I don't want to have it, but I don't want to have to get back on birth control either. I have had such a hard week. I'm an emotional wreck right now and I can't help it. I'm scared of what they will find. But, hopefully it will be a good thing. I've had this surgery done before, but I hate not being able to take care of my family the way I should. Sorry this post is a little hard for me and I hope it all makes sense. It's just how I have been feeling. I'm kind of just venting I guess.
In the end, I know that things will work out and I have faith that everything will be okay. I love all of you and thanks again for caring.
4 comments:
Janese ~
You are such an amazing person. I want you to know that you will be in my thoughts, and I hope for you that everything goes well with your surgery. You will always accomplish any hurdle that comes your way, it's just how you are. Strong.
Good luck with everything! Keep us posted.
Kaylyn
Oh Sweet girl! I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time!!!! I know that you will believe me when I say that I know how you feel! I swear everyone around me is pregnant! I have been in a complete 'funk' for the last few days.
My sister, who is my best friend, decided that she and her husband where going to start trying for their second baby. She went off birth control in November, in December she found out she was pregnant. I cried when she told me. I know I can tell you this because you get it. I am happy for her. So happy! I love her and she deserves to have as many babies as she wants but ya know, the thought came to me..."it's just so easy for some people." Here is my best friend in the world, the girl I tell EVERYTHING to and I cannot tell her how envious and how sad I am for my own dream just not coming true. I just don't get it! Why is it sooo totally easy for some and for others of us it seems next to impossible?!? I cried a lot that day (Monday) when she told me she was pregnant. I HATE crying when poeple tell me they are pregnant!!!! I hate it so much. Does it mean I am not happy for them?? No. It doesn't to me, but I have no idea what they think when they see my reaction. I know it has to hurt them as well when they are so happy and want others to be happy for them and then all I can do is shake my head, hold my breath and utter the words "I am ok...I really am happy" through sobs. It sucks!
I don't think it matters if you have no babies or if you have 13 babies. If you KNOW their is one out there for you know it!! And the journey of getting them where they belong is soooo hard!
I love you, Janese. I feel so close to you despite the number of years that have gone by. We are bonded in our fertility or lack there of!
I pray that your surgery will make the difference that you need and that you will feel unbroken and whole soon. Matter of fact....who is your doctor? I think I am doctor shopping again.
Hang in there!
Janese,
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. I found your blogspot through a few other friends, hope you don't mind. I think of you a lot and hope all is well. You and your family are in my prayers.
Love,
Amy
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