James and I have been trying to have another baby for over a year now. It has been hard. My endometriosis started getting really bad again about nine months ago, so in November I had my fourth surgery to help get rid of as much endo as they could and to help with the pain. Endometriosis is so hard to deal with. I'm in pain all the time and I am usually in bed for three-four days because of my cramps I have when it's that time of the month. It's hard. I feel like such a bad mom because I'm always in pain and the only thing that helps is if I rest a lot.
It's so hard because we feel like there's another sweet spirit that needs to be in our family. It just feels like there's someone missing. I don't feel complete and the hard part for me, is knowing that I can get pregnant, but it just takes so long for it to happen. Before I got pregnant with Gracie I had a miscarriage and then the next month I got pregnant again with Gracie. It took three years and with Anna it took over a year. With surgery both times. And in September 0f 2010, I'm pretty sure I had another miscarriage. It was hard on me, but we just let it go. Nobody even knows, except you do now.
I'm sure some people may think,"they have four kids already," or "just be happy with what you have." And believe me, I am so HAPPY with my four sweet children, but I YEARN for more. I do know that Heavenly Father is in charge and he knows our needs and the desires of our hearts, but it's still hard. For James and I, this has been one of the hardest trials in our marriage that we've had to face together, trying to bring children into our family. When we were first married and that first year went by of trying to get pregnant, I would always think, Isn't this what we're suppose to do, get married and have children? I didn't understand why it wasn't happening. It was very hard. And luckily things did work out. We adopted our boys and eventually I did get pregnant with Gracie and Anna. And I do know that it will happen again. I'm just praying it will happen sooner than later.
7 comments:
Your post made me cry! I love you. I know that pain of wanting so badly to be a mother and it not working. Having endom. is so hard and painful. I know what you mean about feeling bad cuz your "out for the week." Im so sorry. If you know in your heart there is another one, it will come, I have faith it will. Its the waiting thats so hard. You are in my prayers.
I love how you can be so open in your posts! I hope you know that we care so much for you. If you ever feel down or alone just know that you've got a billion people that would do all they could to pick you back up!
Whats amazing is how strong you can be through it all, Heavenly Father knew you could!! YOU ARE AMAZING!!!
I think the hardest trials are when our righteous desires are being with held. It's hard to make sense of it. You're such a good mommy though, and your kids are lucky to have you. For me, it was always agonizing going month after month without getting pregnant. I'm sorry. And no one can know how hard a miscarriage is until they've experienced one. I've also had two, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially someone as sweet and good as you.
Good luck with everything!
wow, you do have a wonderful family, and as you said the Lord is in control, so don't worry if there is someone missing in your life it will happen, life it's just not easy but i would love to have a family liker yours one day :) I know my words might not mean anything but i send you *hugs* and *blessings*
Me encanta cómo se puede ser tan abierto en sus mensajes! Espero que sepan que nos preocupamos mucho por ti. Si alguna vez siente abajo o solo acaba de saber que usted tiene un billón de personas que harían todo lo posible para recoger una copia de seguridad!
Cuál es asombroso es lo fuerte que puede ser a través de todo, el Padre Celestial sabía que podía !! USTED ES ASOMBROSO !!!
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